1. Before any guy can receive my phone number(for courting purposes) and/or take me out they must go and speak with my Pastor to receive his blessing/approval. After they speak with him, I will speak with Pastor to get his perspective. After he speaks with my Pastor, he must receive approval from my Parents and Mentor. Only after he receive these blessings can we pursue a dating/courtship relationship.
2. I prefer to get to know a guy I am courting/dating in a group setting upon our initial dates/fellowship time. When you like someone you can overlook certain things about them or in denial so it’s good to get your friends opinion/feedback. Also, it’s good to see how they interact in groups, are they flirtatious with my girl friends, anti-social, how they interact with my guy friends etc. After we go out in a group setting for a few times then we can branch out and go on individual dates/fellowship time (I will still keep some group fellowship time throughout this process with my and his friends).
3. My potential husband will not be allowed to sit by me in church (reason is because you are still my brother in Christ until we get married and we were not sitting beside each other prior to us expressing interest in each other and I don’t want to play house with any man, you are not my husband so I am not going to play like you are). We can continue as normal and talk about the service after service. It will also help us stay focused on continuing to develop spiritually – must keep balance in the courtship process.
4. I will not cook, clean and perform duties of a wife during our friendship development and courtship process. A guy doesn’t place much value on something you are willing to give him for free…I will not act “wifey” but focus on just be his friend. If I happen to cook for a group or our friends then he can definitely have some but I will not go out of my way to “act” like his wife when I am not his wife until we say “I do”. Only then will he get wifey duties.
5. I do not want a proposal from my potential mate until we successfully complete pre-marital counseling. When I attend pre-marital counseling I want to keep any open heart to receive from my pre-marital counselors and if they believe we are not meant to be married, we will call it off and go our separate ways. After we complete counseling and we are approved, he can then propose and we can set a date to plan for a wedding ceremony.
6. I will not be alone at home with a guy without witnesses. (Example: group fellowships, friends coming over etc.).
7. I want to court him for a minimum of a year before proceeding to any type of marriage counseling. I want to pass the test of time and see how we grow in agape (unconditional) & Felio (friendship) love and friendship together…focus on becoming friends.
8. End all phone conversations and 1 on 1 hang outs with my potential by 10:00 p.m. nightly. He or no guy can call me or hang with me after a certain time frame, it’s just not respectful and after a certain time my voice changes and I start becoming relaxed so I have to guard myself.
9. End all individual dates/fellowship by 9:00 p.m. nightly. Unless we are out with a group of friends.
10. Will maintain sexual purity in my relationships - No kissing, holding hands, rubbing/petting, long hugging, spending the night, having sex, oral sex, going out of town on trips by ourselves, etc.
11. I will not give out my number to guys (unless it is for serving, school – group projects, networking, work, a friend who I know is not trying to hook up with me or a reason that calls for it.
12. I look at every male I meet as my brother/friend not as my potential mate. Until he expresses real interest in me (like verbally telling me himself) then he is nothing more than my brother/friend. I will not allow my emotions to go places (like fantasizing about marrying someone) they should not go before that season.
13. I will not casual date/court. I only date/court with purpose. The purpose should be investigating each other to see if we are a match for marriage.
14. I will investigate any guy before I invest my life in him (need to meet your family, review your credit report, criminal background, tithing statement- (see if you consistently give to the kingdom of God), blood testing etc – and he can have the same info on me. It’s not for me to make judgment on his past but these are things I need to know before I make a decision to be with you all of my life and the same for him with me. Most people investigate more on a car or house they will buy than the person they will marry.
15. I do not mentor or disciple guys. If I lead someone to Christ I always get them connected with another solid guy who can assist them with their development. I do not participate in “missionary dating” – where I try to develop someone in Christ quickly so they can become my mate.
16. Watch my attire when I am dealing with the opposite sex especially. I can still by stylish and fly but making sure my cleavage/butt/thighs is not all out for the world to see!
17. I will take the person I am dating/courting with purpose through the 12 steps of love (Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships CD).
18. I will never “act” as a guy friend’s date for social outings (ex: he needs a date for a business dinner, wedding etc.) – if we are friends we are just friends and I am not acting to be more than that at any social event for him. I don’t want anyone to imply is this your girlfriend, fiance etc….no it is clear we are simply friends.
19. I will never date a non-believer or be unequally yoked with someone who is born again. If they are not on my level then they are not a potential mate only a bro in Christ.
20. The person who I date/court must match the call and approve of the call of God on my life. (Example: If I am called to be a Missionary but I marry someone who does not want to travel or at least don’t want me to travel for ministry then my ministry will be hindered and I may not be able to do it because there must be agreement in the house when you are married – division causes your prayers to be hindered).
21. I am cautious with receiving gifts from guys unless it’s like my birthday party or something significant. I like gifts but I have to know why this person is giving me something…don’t want to accept super expensive gifts without understanding because it could be taken as if I like this individually and I may not like them on that level at all.
22. No guys over my place even in a group fellowship after 10pm
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